New Year, Same You
So it’s 2019 and it’s time for everyone to make some New Year’s Resolutions. That usually means
making promises to ourselves that we don’t intend to keep and falling back into old habits fairly quickly.
“Oh, how original,” you must be saying, “Another opinion piece on how New Year’s Resolutions are
bullshit.” Actually, despite my opening, I truly enjoy our tradition of making resolutions toward self
improvement. New Year’s Resolutions give us a rare opportunity to actively about the things we like
about ourselves that we would like to enhance and to change those things about ourselves that we don’t
particularly enjoy. Sadly, I feel like we get too bogged down in the physical resolutions (i.e. lose weight)
and we don’t examine ourselves further than that. Honestly, and I speak completely for myself, if I really
liked myself and who I am all of the time, I probably wouldn’t focus so much on how much I weigh as
though it were the number of my total self-worth to others. I’m pretty sure no one I know cares whether
I am 200 pounds or 238 pound. I have, in point of fact, existed at both of those weights and (other than
feeling intense pride in the lesser number) I’m pretty sure I remember feeling exactly the same inside.
As an added bonus, the people who loved me still loved me even when I see-sawed on the scale.
making promises to ourselves that we don’t intend to keep and falling back into old habits fairly quickly.
“Oh, how original,” you must be saying, “Another opinion piece on how New Year’s Resolutions are
bullshit.” Actually, despite my opening, I truly enjoy our tradition of making resolutions toward self
improvement. New Year’s Resolutions give us a rare opportunity to actively about the things we like
about ourselves that we would like to enhance and to change those things about ourselves that we don’t
particularly enjoy. Sadly, I feel like we get too bogged down in the physical resolutions (i.e. lose weight)
and we don’t examine ourselves further than that. Honestly, and I speak completely for myself, if I really
liked myself and who I am all of the time, I probably wouldn’t focus so much on how much I weigh as
though it were the number of my total self-worth to others. I’m pretty sure no one I know cares whether
I am 200 pounds or 238 pound. I have, in point of fact, existed at both of those weights and (other than
feeling intense pride in the lesser number) I’m pretty sure I remember feeling exactly the same inside.
As an added bonus, the people who loved me still loved me even when I see-sawed on the scale.
I think that’s why “New Year, New You” is a problematic motto for starting a New Year. I don’t know about
you, but I don’t want my friends and loved ones to become all new people in 2019. Do I want to see
them grow, change, and improve themselves? Absolutely, but I don’t think that means that they will be
completely changing themselves. If a friend loses weight, it’s still my friend but in a new package. If a
parent starts going to a therapist and begins some self improvement, they are still the same person
that you know. The only difference is that they are figuring out how to be a better version of
themselves. That’s what I think we should all be striving for...not to somehow change the people that
we are - but to discover what it is that we need to be the best version of the people we truly are.
you, but I don’t want my friends and loved ones to become all new people in 2019. Do I want to see
them grow, change, and improve themselves? Absolutely, but I don’t think that means that they will be
completely changing themselves. If a friend loses weight, it’s still my friend but in a new package. If a
parent starts going to a therapist and begins some self improvement, they are still the same person
that you know. The only difference is that they are figuring out how to be a better version of
themselves. That’s what I think we should all be striving for...not to somehow change the people that
we are - but to discover what it is that we need to be the best version of the people we truly are.
So, in the interest of coming into 2019 with the mindset of being the best version of myself - I wish to
share with you my list of fully thought-out resolutions:
1. I resolve to believe my loved ones when they tell me positive things about myself. Too often I find
myself shying away from compliments about my skills, talents, and even my attractiveness (seriously -
call me anything from cute to hot to handsome - and watch how my body implodes inward like a black
hole from discomfort) and I need to start seeing in myself what my husband, friends, and family see
when they look at me.
2. I resolve to think before speaking. Anyone who knows me well knows how often my foot ends up in
my mouth, particularly when I feel as though someone is attempting to hurt my feelings. I often lash
out and make personal attacks when they aren’t warranted when what I should say is “You know,
what you said hurt my feelings. Did I misunderstand you?” My husband will be particularly pleased if I
can manage to keep this one.
3. I resolve to not always assume the worst about people. This is in conjunction with the previous
resolution, because often I assume people are being critical or dismissive of me when they ask a
question about something I’m doing - and in reality they are really just asking a question. I also suffer
from a case of “is everyone hanging out without me?” whenever I find myself on my own and my texts
aren’t being returned. It’s not healthy to always think that people aren’t being honest with you or are
out to hurt you and I need to trust that the people who love me actually do love me.
4. I resolve to talk to my husband and trusted friends about my problems and anxieties. This one is
tricky because I don’t ever want to be the person who always dumps negative emotions on my spouse
or my good friends, but I also need to stop making excuses to not share with them when I’m not in a
good place mentally. Too often I think things like: I don’t want them to worry, I’ve taken up enough of
their time as it is, and I’m sure they don’t want to bother with me and my issues. I need to remember
that these people are there for me and that they do want to know when I’m feeling down.
5. I resolve to improve my weight - not because I want to look better or because I feel I will somehow
be better at a lower weight - but because it matters to my overall health. It’s true, I carry a few extra
pounds and mostly I carry it well thanks to my solid Smith/Nolie frame (thanks Mom and Dad) and
through the smoke and mirrors of dressing myself well (thanks Hubby). I’ve always focused on weight
loss because in the back of my mind (despite everything I learned from Hairspray, Dumplin’, and the
Designing Women episode “They Shoot Fat Women, Don’t They?”) thin is in and if you don’t look a
certain way then how dare you even exist among all the other people in the world. These
insecurities have blinded me to the fact that I am not getting any younger and as I age, my weight will
have an immediate effect on my health and wellbeing. So in the interest of keeping heart disease,
poor circulation, diabetes, and I dunno, gout?, at bay, I resolve to get to a healthy weight and maintain
it by making healthy eating choices. So far I’ve turned down a pizza. This doesn’t sound remarkable
unless you know me. I REALLY wanted that pizza.
6. I resolve to return to therapy. This barely warrants mention, because I’ve been planning to go back
to see a therapist ever since finally moving my job away from Chillicothe and ending my health care
there. It’s taken a few months but I have health insurance again and can officially seek out the
professional help all functioning adults should engage in. A good friend of mine is always saying
“There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are in therapy and those who should be,” and
I think it’s more than just a pithy saying. Psychological services are as much a necessity for our good
health as regular checkups at the physician, your 6 month dental cleaning, and the annual trip to the
eye doctor to see how much more blind you’ve gone. In fact, I would argue that seeking the help of a
good therapist is even more crucial, because we all suffer from long standing mental wear and tear
that is - for all intents and purposes - invisible. I believe that my quality of life is directly tied to my
mental health and I will continue to seek out ways to improve it.
share with you my list of fully thought-out resolutions:
1. I resolve to believe my loved ones when they tell me positive things about myself. Too often I find
myself shying away from compliments about my skills, talents, and even my attractiveness (seriously -
call me anything from cute to hot to handsome - and watch how my body implodes inward like a black
hole from discomfort) and I need to start seeing in myself what my husband, friends, and family see
when they look at me.
2. I resolve to think before speaking. Anyone who knows me well knows how often my foot ends up in
my mouth, particularly when I feel as though someone is attempting to hurt my feelings. I often lash
out and make personal attacks when they aren’t warranted when what I should say is “You know,
what you said hurt my feelings. Did I misunderstand you?” My husband will be particularly pleased if I
can manage to keep this one.
3. I resolve to not always assume the worst about people. This is in conjunction with the previous
resolution, because often I assume people are being critical or dismissive of me when they ask a
question about something I’m doing - and in reality they are really just asking a question. I also suffer
from a case of “is everyone hanging out without me?” whenever I find myself on my own and my texts
aren’t being returned. It’s not healthy to always think that people aren’t being honest with you or are
out to hurt you and I need to trust that the people who love me actually do love me.
4. I resolve to talk to my husband and trusted friends about my problems and anxieties. This one is
tricky because I don’t ever want to be the person who always dumps negative emotions on my spouse
or my good friends, but I also need to stop making excuses to not share with them when I’m not in a
good place mentally. Too often I think things like: I don’t want them to worry, I’ve taken up enough of
their time as it is, and I’m sure they don’t want to bother with me and my issues. I need to remember
that these people are there for me and that they do want to know when I’m feeling down.
5. I resolve to improve my weight - not because I want to look better or because I feel I will somehow
be better at a lower weight - but because it matters to my overall health. It’s true, I carry a few extra
pounds and mostly I carry it well thanks to my solid Smith/Nolie frame (thanks Mom and Dad) and
through the smoke and mirrors of dressing myself well (thanks Hubby). I’ve always focused on weight
loss because in the back of my mind (despite everything I learned from Hairspray, Dumplin’, and the
Designing Women episode “They Shoot Fat Women, Don’t They?”) thin is in and if you don’t look a
certain way then how dare you even exist among all the other people in the world. These
insecurities have blinded me to the fact that I am not getting any younger and as I age, my weight will
have an immediate effect on my health and wellbeing. So in the interest of keeping heart disease,
poor circulation, diabetes, and I dunno, gout?, at bay, I resolve to get to a healthy weight and maintain
it by making healthy eating choices. So far I’ve turned down a pizza. This doesn’t sound remarkable
unless you know me. I REALLY wanted that pizza.
6. I resolve to return to therapy. This barely warrants mention, because I’ve been planning to go back
to see a therapist ever since finally moving my job away from Chillicothe and ending my health care
there. It’s taken a few months but I have health insurance again and can officially seek out the
professional help all functioning adults should engage in. A good friend of mine is always saying
“There are two kinds of people in this world: those who are in therapy and those who should be,” and
I think it’s more than just a pithy saying. Psychological services are as much a necessity for our good
health as regular checkups at the physician, your 6 month dental cleaning, and the annual trip to the
eye doctor to see how much more blind you’ve gone. In fact, I would argue that seeking the help of a
good therapist is even more crucial, because we all suffer from long standing mental wear and tear
that is - for all intents and purposes - invisible. I believe that my quality of life is directly tied to my
mental health and I will continue to seek out ways to improve it.
These resolutions are very ambitious and will require a lot of work, and I think acknowledging that is
probably the best way to ensure that I will keep working on them throughout the year. We spend too
much time focusing on “how easy” these changes are going to be for us to follow and not enough time
telling ourselves, “Hey, this is going to be hard and that’s ok.” We set ourselves up for failure when we
try to tell ourselves that losing 20 pounds will be simple, and then when we don’t lose weight as quickly
as we’d like or gain a few back we get angry and frustrated. If we tell ourselves that it’s going to be
hard and we might actually fail a few times, it might encourage us be kinder to ourselves on those days
when it feels like an uphill battle. All self-improvement is hard worked for and hard one, which is why it
can feel so satisfying to actually achieve one goal - let alone a whole list full. I know already that there
will be times where I fail and flounder this year; in some cases probably spectacularly. However, I
know that as long as I am trying (and I mean actually trying - not just telling people my ambition plans
and then doing nothing with them) then I know am already a better version of me than I was a year
ago.
probably the best way to ensure that I will keep working on them throughout the year. We spend too
much time focusing on “how easy” these changes are going to be for us to follow and not enough time
telling ourselves, “Hey, this is going to be hard and that’s ok.” We set ourselves up for failure when we
try to tell ourselves that losing 20 pounds will be simple, and then when we don’t lose weight as quickly
as we’d like or gain a few back we get angry and frustrated. If we tell ourselves that it’s going to be
hard and we might actually fail a few times, it might encourage us be kinder to ourselves on those days
when it feels like an uphill battle. All self-improvement is hard worked for and hard one, which is why it
can feel so satisfying to actually achieve one goal - let alone a whole list full. I know already that there
will be times where I fail and flounder this year; in some cases probably spectacularly. However, I
know that as long as I am trying (and I mean actually trying - not just telling people my ambition plans
and then doing nothing with them) then I know am already a better version of me than I was a year
ago.
Get ready 2019 - the same ol’ me is coming at you.
Comments